Baltimore's got soul

New York does soul food? Sure they do. I'm sure it's quite nice. And all apologies to Anthony Bourdain (or maybe all regrets?) but you went the wrong place when you did your rust belt tour. When in Baltimore, the place for collard greens, neon orange mac and cheese, awesome fried chicken, and (of course) lake trout is Kimmy's. Want a chicken box and a half and half? You my friend, are in for a treat.

That padlock is there to prevent me from breaking in after hours and depleting their stock of dinner rolls.

There are two main components to any good soul food spread. Chicken, and all the other stuff. Kimmy's chicken, a Best of Baltimore winner, delivers big juicy pieces. Crispy, salty, savory, greasy, delicious. Am I overselling it? I do have a weak spot for fried chicken, but I challenge you to find a better bird in Baltimore. Check out this yelp reviewer's comment:

You enter Kimmy's and the eyes dazzle at the literal soul food orgy laid out in front of you. It all looks amazing.

Western fries are an aphrodisiac. Scientific fact.

Soul food orgy. Those aren't words that you throw around lightly. But take a look at the spread and tell me you're not thinking unwholesome thoughts about what you want to do to that pile of collard greens.

I erased the comment that I had here before. It was a bit creepy as it involved bathing in certain foods.

My FIRST of an undetermined number of plates of food

And last but not least, the lake trout. Of course lake trout is nothing of the sort. It definitely doesn't come from a lake, and I'm pretty sure it's not a trout.

Lake Trout. The little fish that could.

What it is is a nice big fried piece of deliciousness. It's not for everyone. I'll grant you that. And Kimmy is a bit off the beaten path. I'll give that to you as well. But allow me paint a picture for you and then tell me you're not willing to venture out to this Baltimore institution:

On a bright day, stunning blue skies, wispy clouds, a beautiful mountain range. Sound of Music beautiful. We have a bird's eye view of the idyllic scene. Majestic mountains, emerald green hillsides, and the faint sounds of an eagle's freedom inspiring cry. As we travel along, we arrive in a peaceful wooded valley. As we slowly traverse the forest, we spy some deer gently grazing. Eventually, we come to a small clearing. It's a lake, but none like you've ever seen. It's a lake full of hot sauce, and in this lake we see fried filets of fish bounding in and out of the waters, sending ripples in every direction. In the middle of the lake is a boat carrying a lone passenger. We hover over the water and as we approach the silhouette begins to take shape. It's you: with a rod, a reel, a loaf of white bread, a mountain of napkins, and huge smile on your face. Welcome to paradise.


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Save the Pink Teacup and You Will Save Your SOUL

The West Village is not where you'd expect to find soul food. Choice and unattainable real estate? Yes. Tom and Giselle's Abercrombie-looking, Olympic gold baby? Maybe. Hard to get into delicious restaurants? But of course.

But soul food? Could it be any good? Read on reader, read on.

appropriately pink

A humble interior with a simple two tops pushed together for a four.



Everyone tried an iced tea or lemonade. An Arnold Palmer if you will. I say half and half, that's what it's really called right? Or is this like a soda vs. pop debate and it's geographical? I know you midwesterners say POP or an all encompassing COKE even if it's a flipping 7-Up, but it's always a soda to me.

Sorry Jim

All the dinner's came with a soup AND salad. The chicken soup was very salty and very nontraditional. I think I'm used to clear broths, but this was almost miso-y in it's cloudiness. Which isn't to say it wasn't good, in fact it was great. I had 3 spoonfuls left before I realized Jim ordered a sandwich and didn't get the soup/salad opener. Oops. at least I remembered to take a photo.

How much can you really say about the free salad you get when you order dinner? At least it was real greens, and not iceberg lettuce like when you go to sushi restaurants. Since I ate the salad, I am tossing in the Diet Coke Effect here. Transference, PLA-DOW!


Smothered chicken in brown gravy, corn, potato salad. MMM. Gravy and chicken! A bonus here is that you can choose if you want all white meat, dark meat. That's nice. The potato salad had relish in it. Take it or leave it. This particular one was left.



Fried chicken (white meat please) corn, green beans. Soul food staples. After a good 10 minutes of trying to be civilized with a fork and knife, the breast was dug into with fingers. No complaints from the second pickiest eater I know, and that's not just nothing! (wink, wink)


Jim's Big Bad John sandwich. Pulled pork and a huge cup of BBQ on the side. Jim shamelessly ordered fries AND rice and gravy. No veggies for him, he says it degrades his manly stature. Sidenote: Rice and gravy?? Isn't that DISCO RICE?


I got ordered fried catfish, corn, and collard greens, just because I miss lake trout. The catfish was thick and had an awesome cornmeal crustiness. Collard greens were very tender. Do these have any nutritional value?



Cornbread, cheese grits, and we ate the corn fritters before I took a photo. The corn fritter tasted just like doughnuts you buy at street fairs in the city! Big thick lumps of deep fried dough with an occasional kernel of corn. I love how cheese grits here are made with real, plastic squares of American cheese. Don't scoff! It's how real cheese grits are made. FAKE CHEESE MEANS AUTHENTIC. Paradox! Brains imploding! Kaploweeee!


Dessert also comes with dinner! I love it here! You can choose from bread pudding or Jello. I was in a Jello mood (when I asked what flavor, our waitress said RED), but Jim was nudging for bread pudding. Jim got one too because our nice waitress didn't want him to feel left out. So I was technically cheated out of my dessert.


Also, we decided to try the chocolate cake. It was a huge slice and really dense. If I hadn't eaten my caloric intake for the whole weekend, I would have finished it. Alas, I am human.

A quick comparison: this isn't to say the soul food here is better than Baltimore's, but it tasted cleaner. Does that make sense?

On a sad note, The Pink Teacup will be closing On January 3rd due to rising rent. Sad. They've been there on Grove Street since 1957. They asked us to sign a petition with our check, and it's hard not oblige when the food is great and so is the service. Hopefully they find a space that's even better next month.



The Pink Tea Cup
42 Grove St
New York, NY 10014
(212) 807-6755

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In case of emergency, break bread

There is one thing that you should always have with you. Whether at home, at work, or travelling, you should always, ALWAYS, have a decent place to get quick Italian food. Pizza, pasta, and cold cut subs are more important than AmEx, passport, and toothbrush. Who knows when you'll have an emergency that requires an immediate linguine in clam sauce? Do you want to be caught with your pants down? It's best to be prepared.


It is true that finding time to do the proper research can be burdensome, so I've selflessly done some for you. I work in Cockeysville/Hunt Valley (whatever you want to call it), and I've selected two places for comparison: Carmine's and Lil' Tony's. I picked these two because they serve pizza by the slice. Who knows when you'll get in a car accident and need a quick bite to calm the nerves? Let's go to the tape to see how they stack up:

Carmine's vs Lil Tony's

Italian sounding name:
Carmine's vs Lil' Tony's. I'm no expert, but they both sound pretty solidly Italian to me. However, Tony's reminds me of one of my favorite shows, "Who's the Boss?". As I remember it, Tony Micelli was pretty handy in the kitchen when he wasn't walking in on people taking showers. Advantage: Lil' Tony's


Pizza:
I ordered the closest thing to veggie pizza at both locations. Carmine's had a grilled veggie, and Lil' Tony's had a broccoli and tomato. The grilled veggies on Carmine's slice were excellent, and you can't go wrong with the size of the slice they give you. Broccoli is a good veggie pizza topping, however. The dough at Lil' Tony's was better, in my opinion. Both had a good "out of the oven" crunch and excellent foldability, but I like a pizza with some chew. Carmine's dough was too yielding. What's more important to a pizza, dough or toppings? Advantage: Carmine's


Entree:
Eggplant parmesan. The barometer of a good takeout place. I judge sushi places by the uni they serve, bars by their availability of Chimay, and Italian carryout by their eggplant parmesan. It's all very scientific, I won't bore you with the details. Both places offered about the same portion, but Carmine's carryout dish made it look like I was eating a hubcap full of food. The wide-eyed look from my cubicle neighbor caused me to pause my lunch feast. Both were pretty good as eggplant parmesan goes. Unfortunately for Carmine's, I was able to see my dish being made. The microwave is not for melting cheese good sirs. That's what your salamander is for. Advantage: Lil' Tony's

Bread:
Carmine's served a crescent roll looking piece of bread that tasted of burnt garlic. Lil' Tony's served me two chewy doughy knots doused in butter. Guess who won here? Advantage: Lil' Tony's

The winner? After a month's worth of research and about 20 minutes of writing, winning 3-1 is Lil' Tony's. Now if I'm in Cockeysville and need an immediate transfusion of red sauce, I know where I'm headed.




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Have a Spammy Day

Sometimes food is boring.

Do you ever spend 45 minutes making something and sit down to enjoy it only to be sadly disappointed by how pedestrian it tastes? Mastication becomes a chore and after all that hard work you're looking for a bag of Funions to satiate what your boring meal could not, am I right friends?

Well, you might need to learn how to freaking cook.

Haha. Sike. Honey, I love your cooking! I really do.

You might try to amend your platitudinous meal with something fun like SPAM. What? You think Spam is gross? You fool. You've obviously never been to Hawaii. Well, I haven't either technically, but I heard they love them some Spam down there. Hawaiians eat an average of four cans of SPAM a person per year! You can even get it at the BK there. If the BK is doing it, you know it's A-OK.

Let's turn our attention to Figure 1.
This was a stupid pasta salad I made for lunch. Whole wheat pasta, mozzarella, tomatoes, basil. Not bad. but not good either. I would give this a solid MEH.

Figure 1.

A classic fixer-upper dish, uninspired and budget conscience. Splurge for the $3.50 can of Spam you tight fisted meanie, and you could be enjoying the satisfyingly salty-meaty taste of this bad boy:

Figure 2

Now doesn't that just seem more fun? It looks like cartwheels in your mouth! Sodium nitrate-y cartwheels.

Happy Friday to you friend, here's a special SPAM collage I made to celebrate:


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I for one welcome our new Google overlords

Ann and I sold our souls to Google a long time ago. In exchange for eternal servitude, they provide us with statistics on our blog that we check WAY too often throughout the day. It's like crack, I tell you. Except that it's not an illegal drug that causes addiction, cardiovascular problems, risk of spreading disease, birth defects, and enormous societal problems. So I guess it's not like crack.

...

OK. Google also provides a list of search terms that people have entered before arriving at your site. It helps you to understand what drives people to your site, and thus ensnare them. Here are a few of the search terms that lead readers to Kevin and Ann eat Everything:

oakey grill, oakey’s grill, oakeys ellicott, oakeys ellicott city, oakeys grill, oakey's grill, oakey's grill ellicott city, oakeys grill ellicott md, oakey's in ellicott city, oakeys pit beef, oakey's pit beef, oakeys pit beef ellicott city
Apparently we're THE jumping pad for Oakey's. 16.25% of our keywords relate to Oakey's. Maybe we can get some free pit beef out of this?

azul 17 authentic
It worked! My bombing of the word authentic worked better than a shock and awe campaign.

7-11 stores that sell alcohol in howard county
There's only one, my friend

can you eat the shrimp head
Someday they will create a technology that will allow me to reach in to my monitor, through the internet, grab this person by the shirt, violently shake them, and yell "Good Lord in Heaven, YES!"

do you gut the locusts before cooking?
You're eating locusts and you're worried about gutting them? If you do "gut" a locust, what's left? Isn't it just shell and guts?

everything is kev
And I am everything. How Zen.

no thanks ann
is what Jim says when Ann makes food

what is an ""amish party"" like?
Ain't no party like an amish party, cause an amish party don't stop. Unless it's time to work.

проект подиум наряды венди папер
I ran this through Google Translate, and it comes out as "project runway outfits Wendy paper". I guess this is about the reality show Project Runway. Why it points to us, I have no clue. No, I am not a secret fan of Project Runway. Side note: Can you believe Irina won? Only happened because Carol Hannah was sick. Total BS.

how to eat apple pie with cheese
Happily
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Pretty good Grace, how sweet the sound

About two months ago, I started watching Arrested Development for the first time. Chicken dances, killer hair implants, that egg girl, all fantastic. Last month, I finally went to New York after years of pestering by my sister. "When are you coming to New York?" "Why aren't you coming to New York?" "You're missing out!" "Don't you miss me?" "I hope you die". Ah the joy of siblings. Last week, I started linking our blog to Urbanspoon, and we've been climbing up the ranks (#45 blog in New York and ... not rising). And yesterday, I FINALLY went to Grace Garden. The hole in the wall, never noticed it was there, silent as a graveyard chinese restaurant in Odenton. I'm always late to the party it seems.

This restaurant has been reviewed to death. It was the "in" place for foodies before I even knew it existed. Right up on the wall next to the picture menu of dishes are the various accolades they have received from reputable food reviewing institutions. BOB awards, Zagat reviews, newspaper clippings, all from years past. I felt like Cinderella showing up for the ball a day late. The prince has already left with some two-bit hussy and my pumpkin is double parked outside. I'm sure you'll make this analogy work in your own minds somehow. Anyhow, I ordered what everyone else has raved about and recommended. Braised pork, tofu pockets, and golden shrimp. Here are the requisite blurry iPhone pictures:

Braised pork. I have yet to meet a pork belly that I didn't like. I do wish they were a little thicker though. Pork fat is an under appreciated diet buster.

Tofu pockets. There's a hole in my pocket dear Liza, and I filled it with magical shrimp mousse.

Golden shrimp. I read a comment from a vegetarian once that went like this: "If your food stared back at you, would you still eat it?" If it's a shrimp head, HELL YES. I am a shrimp zombie, "shrimp braaaaaaaaaaains!".

Yes, my ultra awesome review is setting new standards in food blogging. A few pictures and some strange comments is all it takes nowadays? There should be a blogging guild to keep people like me out of this.

But here's what I was REALLY thinking while I was eating. Almost every review that I have read about Grace Garden has raved about it. If it's so fantastic, if it's so authentic, if it's so awesome, where are all the customers? Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed the food. Superb. But when I went inside to pickup the food, the chef was hanging out a table reading the paper. The place was empty. I'm sure it's not empty all the time, but I got the impression that it's not the most happening of places.

"The restaurant looks like your average Chinese take-out place - they have a 5 or 6 tables scattered around and it was completely empty." - someone's yelp review

Something's odd about Grace Garden. I will have to return a few times and investigate. Maybe in three days, that's how much lead time you need to give them to order the tea duck.



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Cream Puff Wishes and Italian Gelato Dreams

There's definitely some kind of a weirdly tacit French-influence to Japanese baking. If you walk into a Japanese bakery its all full-fat pastries, Madeline's and luxurious white bread sandwich loaves. When I was in Japan eating breakfast at a bakery, they served this sandwich bread in thick one-inch slices toasted with a side of condensed milk. It was so flipping good. Condensed milk isn't utilized enough in our new-fangled ipod and grocery delivery times. I've just now decided to bring it back. I think I'll have my morning Cheerios with condensed milk if you pleeeeeeease.

Oh please. Don't look at me like that. It's not like I'm training for the Olympics or anything.

yea, i took this photo on halloween, so what!

Beard Papa's is a Japanese chain that's making the jump to the US in states like New York, California, Hawaii and some more in between. Guam too!

How can you resist this David-the-Gnome/salty old dog looking sucker?

“There is no real-life Beard Papa. He is a fictional character,” explains Minoru Inagaki, president of the U.S. division of Japanese conglomerate Muginoho which owns Beard Papa’s. “When our company’s founder, Mr. Yuji Hirota, created our logo, he wanted to choose something that would bring people the cheerful, energetic mood associated with the Christmas holidays. So he chose a Santa-like character, but then changed the color of his outfit from red to yellow to signify that you can be in a joyful holiday mood all year at Beard Papa’s.”

Fascinating. I guess I don't really associate Beard Papa with Santa as much as I do with calorie bombs. These little suckers are 220+ calories each, and you're kidding yourself if you think you can each just one. You can't really help yourself though, the cream is so light, it's like happy, fat air.

Sidenote: Once, I thought I'd be a good girlfriend and bring some home for Jim. They had four different flavors so I thought we'd try one of each (incidentally, one of everything is my favorite). I came home, went to the bathroom to wash my hands and after I walked out to the kitchen all that was left was a half a vanilla, powdery-sugared guilty face. NOT COOL BRO.


If I'm being honest, there was a third pumpkin one before this photo was taken. These are the Vanilla Custard and Chocolate Fondant (which is just the vanilla with a chocolate dip, don't be fooled sucka). I always like to try the obligatory holiday-pumpkin flavored anything when it's fall. 90% of the time it is gross. This was not, hence, the missing pumpkin photo.

They must make the puffs ahead of time and fill them to order when people come in, because they're slightly chilled, but not soggy at all. Just softly flaky and heavy on the cream, ohhhhhh yeahhhh.

PS. They're open for franchising, so pick which one of your MiniFat's gets to go to college and open one up on Route 40 already!



Beard Papa
5 Carmine St.
New York, NY 10014



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A-wop bop-a loo-bop

I love tart frozen yogurt. I was ecstatic when the Yogiberry opened up at The Mall in Columbia for two reasons. For the first reason, see sentence 1. The second reason is that I hated driving all the way out to Montgomery County for it. Columbia Mall is a 10 minute drive plus parking. Much better, right?

It seems I've underestimated my laziness because going all the way to Columbia Mall is now too far for me. I can sense you judging me, it feels like burning shame. Laziness is such an ugly word, let's not call it that. Let's call it being "actively challenged".

Is there some tart yogurt furniture and flooring store that I'm not aware of?

Someone must know about my plight because another tart yogurt chain has graced Howard County. Tutti Frutti (how many pinkberry clones are there exactly? at least this one has a relevant name) opened up today in Ellicott City next to the Burger King on Route 40. I had heard that it was open and drove by with the Rheelyfat family. To my surprise it opened today.

So trusting with their toppings

To my further surprise, it was a self serve situation. Hide your mochi, Mrs. Rheelyfat is coming! Her one complaint about Yogiberry was the inconsistency with which they are able to provide mochi. It was like seeing Augustus Gloop finding a river of chocolate. No mochi was spared.

I mean, what's to stop someone from just sticking their mouth under there and having at it? Shame? What's that?

Flavors! Beyond the original tart and green tea, Tutti Frutti also has vanilla, chocolate, taro, berry, and the eponymous tutti frutti. The self serve is really what makes it though. As much or as little as you want, as many toppings as you want. It's all weighed out in the end. The price ended up about what we would have spent at Yogiberry. I'll be going back tomorrow, unless I'm feeling "actively challenged". I look forward to a Pinkberry opening on my front lawn.

Tutti Frutti
9191 Baltimore National Pike
Ellicott City, MD.21042

Not on Urbanspoon yet, but will be as soon as I get a phone number.
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Urbanspoon Rocks

Seriously, it rocks hardcore.

This is just a post so that we can confirm our blog ownership with Urbanspoon. Nothing to see here!
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Lombardi's Round Two

After I read this article I wanted pizza almost everyday for month too. I wonder if I'm enough of a fatty to pull this off. Maybe not, if it has to be sausage pizza. Why?

Me no likee the sausage.

Anyway, I equate sausage pizza to thirteen year old boy food. You may be asking yourself, what other foods fall into this totally arbitrary category, Ann?

Corn nuts, specifically ranch flavored ones, Slim Jims, that fake Tostito cheese with salsa in it. I can't say why these 'foods' fall into this specific classification, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's because this is what I remember Kevin greedily hoarding when we were younger. Also, Nerd Rope, even though I seem to recall Kevin hunting down this treat well into his college years...

Back to the important issue at hand. PIZZA.

Lombardi's Pizza is one of the city's oldest pizzaria's as well as one of the most popular. It touts itself as New York City's first pizzeria. Pretty cool, but while working briefly in Soho years ago, I tried it out during lunch. WAY disappointing. Everything was wrong, a tough ass crust, uncooked garlic, not salty enough. What was all the hype about?

Jim suggested it was a fluke, so when someone suggested we meet there for a Sunday lunch, I magnanimously decided to give it a second go.

fatty me started eating before taking a photo.

We stuck to basics, and ordered a half white and half Margarita. A good choice, because the white pizza was overwhelming with all the ricotta, but in a good way. Sidenote: You know how when you order a bagel and they give you three times the amount of cream cheese you really need? That's too much in a good way, because when I get a bagel with half the amount that is necessary to enjoy the bagel, it kills my day. For real.

The tomato-y tang of the Margarita nicely offset the creamy, cheese-y globs of ricotta. I found myself alternating bite-for-bite.

a globby closeup

My pizza pass/fail test is if eat the cold, leftover crusts on my plate after the pizza is gone. I ate about half of what was there, but I can't remember if I liked it or not. I might've just been really hungry that day. So not passing, but not failing either.

Lombardi's round two was definitely better than round one, but the best pizza in the city? No, sadly, it was not.

Also, it's cash only. That's just flat-out annoying.


Lombardi's
32 Spring Street
New York, NY 10012-4

Lombardi's Pizza on Urbanspoon

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